and Women Are Not Alike- Part One
|It is the differing characteristics
of each sex that makes the experience of coupling so wonderful when it
Dissimilar; unlike in form and nature; distinct or separate from.
Men and Women Are Not Alike--Thank
The unisex movement of the 70s proved to be a failed
experiment. Men and women bought clothes from the same racks and used
the same public restrooms. It never caught on. Men were encouraged to
get in touch with their "feminine-selves," while women burned their bras
in protest of being discriminated against as females. As a result, men
continue to be more in touch with their masculine-selves and lingerie is
more in fashion than ever before?
What went wrong?
The point is that males and females are
very different from each other (physical differences aside). In fact, it
is the differing characteristics of each sex that makes the experience
of coupling so wonderful when it takes place. Whether the relationship
be between heterosexuals or those who choose alternative lifestyles, the
things that make us male or female are the stuff of life that makes it
all so interesting (albeit it frustrating and confusing at times) and
The official end of the unisex fiasco
came with the release of Dr. John Gray's Book, "Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus. "The theme of this popular book is the differences
between the sexes. All throughout the book, Gray points out the
undeniable truth that it is the acceptance of those differences that
results in the best of relationships. Furthermore, he goes on to show
how that understanding those differences brings understanding, harmony,
and happiness. Since the publication of the first book, he has written
several more in the series. His work has brought the better part of an
entire generation back to the place where we are revealing in our
sexuality and more clearly understanding why the opposite sex responds,
reacts, and behaves as it does.
It's not the similarities that attract
us to each other--it's the differences. . . . .
Men Are Single Task Focused / Women
Are Global Thinkers. . . . .
How is it that a woman can prepare
dinner, change a diaper, do the laundry, talk on the phone, brush her
hair, and talk out of the side of her mouth to remind her husband to
take out the garbage--and all at the same time? On the other hand, men
take each task one at a time without giving much thought to anything
else at the moment.
The fact is that women think globally.
They have the amazing capacity to multi-task. Not only that, but they do
it amazingly well. The dinner was good, the diaper got changed, the
clothes are clean, the phone conversation went well, every hair on her
head is in place, and he did take out the garbage as instructed.
Not only that, but she managed to wipe little Tommy's nose for him at
the same time as well. This writer once asked a past girlfriend why she
enjoyed working on her computer so much. Her response was, "Because I
can multi-task. "So, there you go.
Conversely, men think in logical steps:
1-2-3 or A-B-C. When confronted with any situation, no matter how big or
small, they have the innate ability to quickly determine exactly how
much time will be needed to deal with it. Should they be able to attend
to it, they will focus in on the task at hand and work it through until
it is completed to their satisfaction. Using the same scenario as above,
a man will first cook a nice meal (at least those who enjoy the
kitchen), then change the diaper (doing so in the middle of cooking
the meal would be considered a serious interruption), then go throw a
few clothes in the laundry (after they finished eating the meal they
prepared), then comb his hair, followed by taking out the garbage. If
someone were to call during any of this, he would at least be tempted to
say, "Tell Jack I'll call him back later. "Men are single task focused.
The explanation for this is simply that
women are, first and foremost, the nurturing partner in any primary
relationship. They are the heart and soul of the family. Their design is
such that they can more than handle the many things that go on at any
one moment in daily family life.
The mistake that some men make is that
they interpret a woman's natural inclination to think globally as being
"scatter brained. "This could not be further from the truth. Consider,
for example, the modern trend toward more women in the workforce. This
has resulted in once male dominated jobs being completely taken over by
women. Their ability to multi-task has translated all too well into many
different career paths. Whereas, once they made great nurses and
secretaries, they are now becoming our doctors and corporate CEOs.
However, men still manage to hold their
own. Their ability to focus in on a single task and logically think
through every ramification, detail, option, and course of action comes
natural to them. This is not to say that women do not do this. It's just
that men do it so naturally and don't seem to be able to think in any
other way. Hence, they manage to do quite well in getting any job done
even though their approach is so different from their female
Not only that, but it can be said that
almost all men are motivated by sex to do everything and anything. This
single-purpose is at the root of all that they do. Some will deny it,
but most agree. Take away a man's fame, his wealth, and even his health,
but, for heaven's sake, don't cut of his, uh, you-know-whats!
Furthermore, lest any woman look down upon the male of the species for
the above mentioned reason, consider the fact that the species has done
quite well due to man's natural instinct to be sexually driven. Yes, men
start wars and walk all over each other to get to the top of the
corporate ladder. Sex is woven throughout the fabric of even those
things. However, they are also capable of great love, tenderness,
caring, sharing, and are sure to be thinking of little else when in the
throws of physical passion (another benefit of being single task
Of course, she should not be faulted
as well if, while he is proving his manhood to her between the sheets,
she is thinking about her grocery list and reminding herself to pick the
children up from school early tomorrow.
Men and Women Are
Not Alike - Part Two
Men Love to be Needed /
Women Love to be Cherished. . . . .
Quote Mason's Principle to a
woman ("Romance is all the little kisses in between") and she
will immediately recognize you as a potential lover. Why?
Because women love to be cherished; to be assured that their
special someone cares about them in all of the little day-to-day
ways, as well as those moments shared together in physical
Compliment her on her new hair
style, kiss her on the back of the neck as you pass by, share
the making of a meal together, pour her a glass of wine when she
gets home from work, draw a bath for her when she is stressed,
hold her hand while you are walking together through the mall,
write her a love note or a poem now and then, and find ways to
tell her you love her in all of the little ways and she will be
there when you want her for those special moments together.
Conversely, ignoring her, going
silent for days, doing little aggravating things to her,
fondling your TV remote control too much, playing with all of
your electronic gadgets, and spending weekends rooting for your
favorite sports team (with all of your buddies enjoying your
beer and brats) will not produce a trail of lingerie leading to
the bedroom as soon as you find time to squeeze in some
Woman's greatest need is to be
Man's greatest need is to be
That's why the toolbox belongs
to him. Whether it's fixing some broken plumbing or responding
to your request for a hug, guys are doers and doing for you
makes them feel good. Do you need someone to check the oil in
your car? How about some help with the clasp on your necklace?
Are you a little stressed and could use a good back rub? He's
your man for the job. Would you like some physical intimacy?
Need him in all things and you will have one happy guy as your
However, it would be unwise to
assume that this gives you a wonderful tool to manipulate him
into doing whatever you want. Oh, it will work for
awhile if you indeed decide to go that route. Men
are not always the quickest to discern when they are being
victimized by a self-serving female. Although, eventually they
figure it out. When they do, they have a way of quickly moving
on and taking little time in finding someone who will not take
advantage of their need to feel needed. Those who truly
love their men will seek to find ways to truly make him feel
wanted. From fixing the broken leg on the sofa to holding you
when you feel like crying and don't know why, be sure to remind
him always that you need him.
Women need to be cherished.
Men need to be needed.
Men are Visual / Women are
Relational . . . . .
A male's eyes are directly
connected to his heart, whereas, a female's brain has a way of
intercepting visual attraction before it reaches her heart. In
other words, it had to have been a man who first coined the
phrase, "love at first sight. "A woman may use this phrase in a
romantic context but there are very few women who ever really
fall in love with a man based on his physical appearance--not
true love, anyhow.
Women are more curious about
the man inside. They are willing to take the time to see what is
behind the cover. They are not as taken by good looks as are
men. Take a stroll through any big city mall. You will
notice time and again how that many couples seem mismatched.
That is, if you go by appearances only. The simple truth is that
many of the pretty women you see holding hands with those very
average looking guys have fallen in love with "who" he is rather
than "what" he looks like. They much more prefer a good guy who
will provide them with the security of a consistent, loving
relationship as opposed to a good looking bad boy who has little
to offer in this regard.
Women are relational. Even
though they would love to think that a very good looking man
will someday come along and sweep them off of their feet, they
will invariably settle for a lesser looking guy if he is indeed
a genuine and caring person. Of course, it takes time for
them to truly get to know a man. This explains why they do not
fall in love as quickly or as easily as men. They reserve their
judgment until after they become confident that the person
behind the face (whether handsome or not-so-handsome) is
attractive to them on the inside.
In contrast, a guy will
immediately become enchanted with a woman who is pretty,
feminine, sexy, slender, and has a chest on her that compares to
no other. This explains the motivation behind most women's
decision to get breast implants. Few really do it purely for
themselves. They know that men are more visual. In fact, truth
be told, business women who interface with people will sometimes
admit that it is "button up" when meeting with another woman but
"buttons down" when meeting with a man.
Why wear a power tie when a
little cleavage gives a girl the advantage?
Do men resent such female
What do you think?
The downside of this inequity
between the sexes is that women are immediately placed at a
disadvantage. Since men are designed to determine a woman's
intellect, character, and whole being simply by her looks, they
will quickly pass by a female who does not measure up to their
mental list of necessary physical traits. If this were not the
case, the cosmetics industry would go bankrupt over night and
hair salons would cease to exist. That brings us back to breast
implants. Need we press the point any further?
No wonder the Biblical Jesus
focuses in on the guys when he states, "If a man looks upon a
woman to lust after her. . . . "He directs the issue of lust
first of all to men. Why? Because men are not only visual, but
they are great at "visualizing. "Ask a woman how many sexual
fantasies she has. Most will tell you that their favorite
fantasy involves three people. Men have a similar fantasy.
However, women can't describe a second or third fantasy as
readily. On the other hand, most men will give you a list of
their erotic daydreams--in detail, including who is involved,
the surroundings, and even the background music. Men are visual.
The upside of this difference between the sexes is two-fold.
First of all, men can relax a little more with the assurance
that most women are not going to judge them because they don't
look exactly like Fabio. Relax, guys. Be yourself. She will
either love you for it or not at all. As long as you are for
real, you have a better chance of "looking" attractive to her.
Secondly, women can revel in
their femininity by taking advantage of all the many
"girl-things" from getting their hair done to trying out the
latest fashion styles. They have much more freedom to employ
whatever means necessary to overcome a perceived physical
In fact, most men are amazed
when they pick up a graphically illustrated makeup book (should
they exercise the courage to do so) and find out how amazing a
woman can be transformed with the proper use of a little makeup.
Heck, they deserve it since they insist on being so visual.
Right? Never doubt it for a moment. Women want to know the
person behind the eyes--men want to know the person in front of
their eyes. It might not be right or reasonable, but it is the
way we are.
and Women Are Not Alike Part Three
Men are Motivated
By Sex / Women are Motivated by Relationships . . . . .
When it comes to
primary relationships, men are measurably much more basic in that which
motivates them to couple. Plainly stated, men think about sex
constantly--even when they won't admit that they do. This is not to say
that women don't think about sex at all. They just don't think about it
as much. In fact, generally speaking, there is absolutely no comparison
between the two sexes in this regard.
The root cause of
man's overwhelming need for sex can be easily explained. It is simply a
factor in the grand design that has made our species so successful. Men
are driven to couple. As a result, women become pregnant, children are
conceived and born, and the human race now holds domination over the
Conversely, as much as
most women enjoy sex, they are not usually the initiators. Since they
are primarily relational in their approach to love, sex (from their
point of view) cannot truly be enjoyed unless the relationship is
right. This explains why it is that most men can have a major argument
with their mates and then jump into the sack the same night and attempt
lovemaking. Women, however, will resist intimacy due to some
off-the-wall remark he made three days ago. The female of the species is
not motivated purely by sex. If they don't feel loved and cherished,
then it just isn't going to happen. If it is put upon them to take part
in lovemaking, then one has no problem with understanding why they would
prefer a television installed in the ceiling above the bed.
This writer has been
quoted by others when I originally wrote the little statement that ,
"Romance is all the little kisses in between. "
The intent of that
idea is still he same. Wise men would do well to fully comprehend how it
is that their lovers are motivated when it comes to sexual intimacy. If
a man's lover happens to be another man, no wonder the frequency of sex
is not so much of an issue. However, if your lover is a woman, then the
understanding that they are driven more by the quality of the
relationship than a man's mastery in the bedroom will go a long way in
keeping a relationship strong and sexually fulfilling for both.
In Conclusion . . .
Space does not allow
us to continue in analyzing the differences between the sexes. Actually,
this same discussion is one that continues to result in more books
continually being published on the subject and could easily fill up
dozens of web sites.
The point is that
primary relationships are amazingly complex when viewed from every
angle. Who knows what draws certain people to each other. Why people
cross over perceived boundaries of social acceptance to couple
regardless of what society in general thinks is a fact of life. That
there are those who are willing to make amazing sacrifices in the name
of love may be beyond the scope of most human experience and
understanding, but it certainly does happen. Say "Shakespeare" and most
people immediately think of Romeo and Juliet. Go figure.
Still, there is a
bottom line. It is simply this . . . . .
Those in primary
relationships are simply two opposite halves of the same circle. Once
the two halves connect, no matter what the nature is of their own
separate halves, something wonderful, mystical, and magical takes place.
We call it love.
Of course, I would be
remiss if I were not to point out that we each have a responsibility to
present a whole person to those we come to love. To be whole as an
individual is not necessarily being complete in regards to experiencing
a loving primary relationship.
No matter what the
differences may be, we are not complete within ourselves because each of
us are only half of a circle. Once coupled, it is the differences that
the other person brings to the relationship that results in
Ying and Yang.
Me and You.
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